Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
