Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
