Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
