it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
