No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
