my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
