Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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