you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
