Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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