so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
