i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think my moral compass just broke
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
