I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
