Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
