Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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