i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
