ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
