if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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