My entire life is one complicated drinking game
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
