I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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