Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
