I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
