also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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