Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
