did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
