What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
