I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They took my balls.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
