I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
