I'm lost and stupid without you.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
