You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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