This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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