Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
