i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
