i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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