meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
