:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
