Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
