Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
