Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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