I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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