I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
