Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
