You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cockslap morals
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
