Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
