I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
