i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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