I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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