yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
