Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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