Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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