I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
