All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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