the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
