i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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