I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
