Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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