Non-Jews are for practice
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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